Holding it all in

I'm a strong person. Too strong probably. I don't like to cry and I am darn good and being a realist. Here is what I spend a lot of time telling myself.

-There is nothing that is going to change the reality of the situation. So let's just accept it and move on.
-No amount of crying will bring them back.

-No amount of wishing we could turn back the clock will actually work.


These are the things I tell myself to make myself feel better about the situation.
I don't like to cry. I don't know why really or how it came about. Maybe it's just the vulnerability that scares me. For as long as I can remember my crying has always been done in the shower. I just don't like anyone else to know about it, I guess. But maybe that has made holding it in all the more difficult. Now whenever the urge strikes me it stays there until I let it out. Sometimes this means being on the edge of tears for an entire day. (If you say something to me on one of these days, I apologize in advance) If something gets me started now, I suffer until I let it out. But suffer I do, because I'm too strong to let it out.